Of Molecular Turtles and Other Oddities

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Don't Get Ripped Off Get Informed

I’d like to thank everyone for their suggestions on how to present effectively. I’ve incorporated a lot of what you folks have talked about and it made for an interesting presentation on medical implants. I would also like to thank all of you who came up afterwards to tell me I’m charismatic; God knows I need a bigger ego. While sifting through some material I came across something that you ladies and metro sexual men might be interested in. Skin care companies are ripping you off, St. Ives I'm going to reveal your "Swiss Secret". Now I know you all had that nagging feeling but you didn’t know exactly how you were being screwed. Recently a number of skin crèmes have popped up on the market with things like collagen, elastin, fibronectin and vitronectin listed as their active ingredients. The claim is that these are natural products of your body that will result in rejuvenation of your skin keeping you looking like a hot tamale. These proteins help with cell proliferation and wound healing in your body, which is why they have significance for the medical implant market but do they do anything when you put them on your face? Well they are proteins, which means they really like to bind water so they may moisturize your face. However you’d pretty much get the same effect by drunkenly passing out in a nacho plate (my preferred method of protein application). What they don’t do is rejuvenate your face resulting in cell proliferation as claimed. It’s a good thing too because another name of uncontrolled cell proliferation is tumour. While resulting in some cool topography on your face they’re not so good for your health. These companies are taking advantage of people by marketing a product with an active ingredient that’s not all that active. So don’t get scammed by junk science and slick marketing. That $10 crème without collagen is probably just as good as the $85 dollar one with it. If anyone out there wants to know the science behind anything else drop a comment and I’ll do a post on it.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Say Hello To My Little Friends

Featured above are my new aquatic friends, from left to right they are Reginald, Leopold and Willis. I’ve decided today that fish are the perfect pets for me for several reasons. 1) They can’t pee, poop or barf on you or any of your belongings. 2) It's unlikely they'll maul a two year old child 3) They don’t require any effort, no walking, no sifting through their droppings, and no changing shavings. Now I figure some of you might be thinking you still need to clean the water and change the filter and stuff but you’re wrong. If you sent up a mini eco-system with snails and only feed as much as they eat you don’t have to clean your tank often. As a matter of fact at one point I had some fish for 6 years without ever cleaning the tank but I did pop in a few filters. 4) They don’t make any noise unlike a certain hedgehog who tried to ensure I woke up at 4:30 a.m each day 5) They don’t cause me to go into sneezing fits 6) Convenient burials, can anyone say flush? On that note, any bets on how long the cold cut trio will last?

Friday, July 21, 2006

Sleep? I remember sleep, USE to be a good friend

What a long week! I started a new protein chemistry module this week. What that means is instead of building a cadbury keish my time was spent building a glucose biosensor. While biosensors are cool they're definitely lacking in the tasty department. The name of the game this week was presentation, in fact it seems like I’m going to be doing many of them. I love presenting, probably owing to the fact that it combines my two loves, talking and being the centre of attention but I’m sure I can learn a lot from others. This leads me into the questions I’d like to ask you friends and neighbours. Do you have any presentation tips? What do you think the main difference is between a good presentation and a bad presentation? Keep in mind that the material unless you’re an uber nerd is way less interesting than my close encounter of the smelly kind in Yorkville.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

What Do They Drink In Your Country?

I've noticed I've been getting hits from all over the world lately. Seeing as it's Saturday night in Toronto and I'm just about to go rollerblading it's only natural to think about alcohol. It would also be great if some people posted drink recipes . Justin if you're around post the dirty smut recipe.

Cadbury Cream Egg Uses Part II

In homage to my two new readers, the pastery chef and the detective I've decided to revisit cream eggs. I've seen some remnants lying around the local corner store that might be able to make use of. As it’s now several months after Easter and we’ve been experiencing a heat wave of epic proportions I can’t imagine they’d be too expensive. So if you have any recipes that you think could get better with cream eggs or any idea’s of what I should do next drop a comment and I’ll do my best to accommodate.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Ultimate showdown with a special appearance by our favourite biotecher

After seeing this video I knew I had to share it. If you folks have any other's you think are great leave a comment and let me know.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

So The Scientologist Says "What if I stab you in the eye with an ice cream cone and yell ice cream? WHAT THEN?"

After an interesting encounter outside the scientologists
hive on Younge Street with Jan and Ali I decided to do some investigation. These fellows are so generous they supply a personality test that “would normally cost you $500.00 and up. It is offered to you here free of charge as a public service”. Gee golly what nice folks! I filled out my info as honestly as possible including my phone number which contains a special message for them (Nut-Jobs). Strangely they wish me to pick up my test results but alas there are no locations in Afghanistan for our hero alpaca farmer Old Mother Hubbard. But they’re nice enough to show me my results online huzzah! You have to go through a barrage of soul searching questions like Do you get occasional twitches of your muscles, when there is no logical reason for it? (Who doesn’t?) Are your actions considered unpredictable by other people? (Wow you’re in my head get out! get out! Get out!) Is your voice monotonous, rather than varied in pitch? (Of course I don’t want to scare the alpaca’s). Would the idea of inflicting pain on game, small animals or fish prevent you from hunting or fishing? (Can you say incentive?) Does an unexpected action cause your muscles to twitch?(Yes you’ve obviously never farmed the dangerous unpredictable alpaca). Do you resent the efforts of others to tell you what to do? (Who the fuck do you think you are!) Is your life a constant struggle for survival? (I’m a friken alpaca farmer from Afghanistan what the hell do you think?) Do you sometimes give away articles which strictly speaking do not belong to you? (It’s the gift that keeps on giving) Are you sometimes considered forceful in your actions or opinions? (I get the job done what are a few broken bones. Nough said) Do you bite your fingernails or chew the end of your pencil? (mmm woody goodness) If we were invading another country, would you feel sympathetic towards conscientious objectors in this country? (All will be crushed by the iron fist of Old Mother Hubbard). Are you a slow eater? (I can see why this would be important. If you don’t eat quickly enough they have to increase the dosage of meds hidden in your food). Would you use corporal punishment on a child aged ten if it refused to obey you? (Get out the strap!) Do children irritate you? (sure do why do you think my cupboard was bear?) Are you ever ill at ease in the company of children? (They can stare into my soul! Little stinkers!).
To summarize our friend is 47 year old afghani alpaca farmer male named Old Mother Hubbard who is paranoid, hyper-aggressive towards animals and children, lies, cheats, steals, and has inexplicable twitches. What does this mean? Yes, Old Mother Hubbard is a perfect candidate for scientology. In fact if you look at the graph he’s achieved the desired level of aggressiveness. All the next step involves is buying dianetics then paying several thousand times for auditing.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Liquid smoke = Yummy goodness

As everyone knows it’s world cup time which means it’s time for me to question my origins. How you ask are these two things connected? Well as everyone knows Italy is facing France and I don’t really care who wins. This supports the mounting case for the theory my parents stole me from some other family as a young child. If you think this is ridiculous here’s the case. I’m the only person I know of that doesn’t have a birth certificate, after asking my mom the reply was they forgot to give me one. There is a gap in the photo album (entitled the evolution of Andrew), I mysteriously appear at the age of about 3 or 4 in the family records. Strangely I also have several knitted items that say birthday baby, but they’re all from different years. The funniest thing though was that at a family wedding last week a relative told me he never knew my dad has a son but knew my sister was born in 1984. So this raises several important questions that I could use some help answering: What’s my nationality? Do I really look Italian? Am I really Jewish? Can I escape looking like Flanders (see below)? Am I bound to get fat and wear wife beater shirts?